Steph's 'Stache

Anyone who has seen me this summer knows it's true - I have a mustache!
Not literally, of course, but you can't tell it's not a full lip of hair unless you inspect my mouth at an uncomfortably close range.

As is true with most of my stories, you have to go back quite some way to get to the beginning... Last summer, my family vacationed at The Grand Hotel on Mackinac Island. Since Mindy is past college, and therefore past the point of coming home each summer, it had been a little while since I had seen her. After the initial hugging and "How are you's" I noticed that Mindy had a five o'clock shadow on her upper lip. Being the nice, supportive sister I am, I politely waited until the next day to question her about her unlovely lady lip. Mindy immediately went into defensive "I'm the baby of the family and therefore very sensitive" mode. She said that there was no hair on her lip as she is a religious waxer, but that for some unexplainable reason, her upper lip seemed to be tanning at a rate much faster than the rest of her face, therefore giving her the look of a mustache. (It is important to note here that Mindy is a sun worshipper, so having a much tanner upper lip is hard to imagine since the rest of her face is already so dark, but it was.) She went on to say that she had no idea what to do about it, how to hide it, how to get rid of it, and best yet, how to make sure it never came back. I did the sisterly thing and lamented with her plight while also offering makeup tips on how to possibly blend the color of her face more naturally with her lip. Later that week, I was having a facial at the hotel spa and decided to ask the aesthetician if she had ever heard of Mindy's condition. Her first question was, "Does she wax her upper lip?" I replied in the affirmative and she went on to explain that the waxing changes the composition of the skin (or something along those lines) therefore making it more susceptible to sun exposure. It was really way longer and much more scientific than that, but come on, it was over a year ago, and not all that important to me at the time! I dutifully reported to MIndy what I had discovered. Since then, she regularly applies sunscreen to her upper lip (while carefully making sure none of it touches any other part of her body). And voila! No more mustache.

Fast forward to this summer and our family vacation in Mexico. Since I had moved to Wisconsin, it had been a little while since everyone had seen me. After the initial hugging and "How are you's" everyone noticed that I had a five o'clock shadow on my upper lip. Being the nice, supportive sisters/mother they are, they politely waited until the next day to question me about my unlovely lady lip. I immediately went into defensive "I'm the middle child and why does everyone pick on me" mode. I said that there was no hair on my lip as I am a religious waxer, but that for some unexplainable reason, my upper lip seemed to be tanning at a rate much faster than the rest of my face, therefore giving me the look of a mustache. And it's all Mindy's fault! I have never had this trouble before, and I have been a lip waxer for over a decade! I didn't have this trouble last summer when Mindy did, in fact I had never even heard of such a thing before!!! (It should be noted that I am a huge hypochondriac and often think I have several inflictions after first hearing of them. Just ask dad about my brain tumor, my shin hernia, or the time I contracted malaria.) But this time it was true! I heard about the condition, and then I get it.

So that's it. I am stuck with the stache until the skin sloughs off or my tan fades. I have taken Mindy's advice and apply 30 or higher SPF sunblock to my upper lip while applying only 15 or so to the rest of my face. So far, no change has taken place. It is very embarrassing, and no amount of cover-up or foundation can mask my stache. My family thinks it is quite funny, but I'm not laughing. The silver lining: Maybe now my family will take my medical complaints more seriously!