Things Don't Always Pay Off...

Being a perfectionist doesn't pay off when painting your nails. I seriously painted/removed/repainted a nail 4 times!! (And it still looks like crap!)

Being dependable at work doesn't pay off when you miss a New Kids on the Block concert happening 3 hours from your home. New Kids will be in Memphis tomorrow evening, but I won't be there since I can't take off work and leave my lame ass team to fend for themselves. This particular trait, in fact, never pays off. You end up doing all the work, receiving none of the recognition, and not nearly enough money to make it worthwhile!

Being nice doesn't pay off when friends you have recently made ask you to help them move. Like I haven't moved enough for everyone. (Since I am not empathetic, however, I flat out told her no!)

Being a clean freak doesn't pay off when it's summer and you have teenagers at home. The house is never ready for company (not like I have that much) and I think I cleaned the kitchen 10 times one day last weekend!

Being a hypochondriac doesn't pay off at all. Last week I had hypoglycemia and a stroke.

What does pay off, you ask? Procrastination. If you wait long enough to tackle something, it just might take care of itself. Case in point: picking up the newspaper [I don't subscribe to] and wheeling the trashcan back after trash day. Some neighbor of mine is secretly wishing I'd move just one more time! (Note - this is the first time this has happened, and contrary to the tone of my blog, I was mortified, so guarantee it won't happen again. I'm praying they just thought I was out of town!)

What's the only thing that could make my blog better?

New kids on the Block videos!!!!

Beat that, mom! (And no, the feeding fish do not!)

Typical Conversation on a Sunday Afternoon

Morgan: Mom, are you in metapause?

Me: Morgan, I'm not 50!

Morgan: Don't you want to be in metapause - I mean if I knew I didn't want anymore children I would just want to get it over with.

Me: Uh, no I don't want to be in menopause - hot flashes, moodiness...

Morgan: How long does it last?

Me: I don't know - a couple of years I guess. But menopause is different for everyone.

Morgan: Why do you keep saying men-o-pause?

Me: Because that's what it is - menopause.

Morgan: I thought it was met-a-pause.

Me: No, it's menopause.

Morgan: I can't wait to tell Jordan. She is always right and knows so much about this kind of stuff. Menopause...

Me: I'm sure she knew it was menopause.

Morgan: No she thinks its metapause. Mom, that was my favorite conversation.

Me: I am so gonna have to blog this.

Addison(Morgan's friend): What's blog?

Morgan: It's this thing old people do to "keep in touch with family and friends." You know, because they're too lame to Facebook.

Don't be jealous that your Sunday conversations aren't as riveting and self-affirming.

Frustrations - Resolved!

Well, at least some!

1. Taxes: Completed on time - and I only spent 30 minutes at the post office to mail them [on tax day]!
2. Adobe Elements (photo editing software I cannot even begin to understand): Updated to the latest version, signed up for an online course, got the "Photoshop Elements 6 for Dummies" book. I have already learned more in 4 hours this weekend then I learned in 12 last! I love education!!
3. Squirrels in my attic: Critter Control has set traps... handyman is lined up to repair the soffit when the squirrels are all gone.
4. Leak in the bathroom: Sealed and holding...
5. Hole in my ceiling (due to detecting above mentioned leak): Will have the plumber out in a week or so to "rough" fix it... handyman is lined up to make it pretty.
6. Idiot coworkers: Still a huge pain in my butt!
7. Teenagers: No resolution expected for another 7 years! (But it could be worse - they could be boys!)

Five out of seven ain't bad!

Steph's Serious Frustrations:

1. Taxes
2. Adobe Elements (photo editing software I cannot even begin to understand)
3. Squirrels in my attic
4. Leak in the bathroom
5. Hole in my ceiling (due to detecting above mentioned leak)
6. Idiot coworkers
7. Teenagers

Isn't running a household fun?!

Happy St. Patty's Day!!

My friends and I celebrated Saturday night. We went to a dinner/auction sponsored by the Knights of Columbus at the Cathedral. Then we went to a local hot spot that was featuring a "famous" DJ for a dancing party. It was so much fun! I actually didn't feel old for one whole evening! Here's the highlights:

* I bought a new dress for the event. On a lark, entered a store I never shop in and found something "young and hip." Of course it was - it was from a store the girls shop in! But what a deal - only $22.50! I stayed right on budget...

* Since the dress was so cheap, I also bought a cute little sweater and new shoes. I blew the budget...

* I was attending the dinner/auction with a good friend of mine as his "date." First stop when we got there - to Father O'Kibby's Pub (although Father was a patron, not the bartender!). Jimbo [my friend] didn't even offer to get me a drink! And they were free!! Not off to a great start. Will definitely have to give Jimbo some pointers on how to act around the ladies. No wonder he's still single!!

* Bid on [and won] ballroom dancing lessons. My whole group went in on it together... should make for an interesting blog later!

* The next party was outside, but under a tent. It had been raining all week. I won't go into the gory details - I'm sure you can picture the mess created by way too many people crammed into way too small a space. New shoes may be a casualty of the night...

* The DJ at the last party ROCKED!! It was like he went into my personal collection and played only my favorite songs that I forgot about ever loving [80's and 90's]. We danced for 3 hours straight - and hated to see it end. Didn't make for keeping my cute hair in place, but what a workout!

* The final count: general compliments - 2, compliments on my dress - 4, compliments from boys younger than me - 2!! [See, I told you I wasn't old that night!] I'd call that a successful evening all the way around!

What fun... I have the best friends! Coming soon - NKOTB in Nashville!!!

Steph's (in)famous Turkey Recipe

You will need 1 smallish frozen turkey

Day One:
1. Place turkey in refrigerator to thaw

Day Two:
2. Place turkey in cold water to thaw
3. Place turkey in warm water to speed up thawing
4. Cuss turkey while returning it to refrigerator to thaw

Day Three:
5. Run cold water over turkey to remove remaining ice
6. Chip ice away from cavity opening and pry out turkey innards
7. Bake for 2 hours - check for pop up done timer
8. Bake for 3 hours - check for pop up done timer
9. Google "Done Turkey"
10. Call Mom and learn there is no pop up done timer
11. Pierce crispy outer layer to see if juices run clear
12. Cuss juiceless turkey while putting it in refrigerator because it's 10:30 pm

Day Four:
13. Remove turkey from fridge
14. Remove turkey from congealed grease and all those clear juices that ran out of the turkey
15. Spend 1 hour making cranberry turkey wreath using less than 1/4 of turkey (legs only)
16. Place remaining turkey (breast and bone) in generic brand ziploc bag and place in freezer

Day 180:
17. Cuss freezer-burned bag of turkey
18. Realize there is no other food for dinner
19. Toss out turkey
20. Order a pizza