Things Don't Always Pay Off...

Being a perfectionist doesn't pay off when painting your nails. I seriously painted/removed/repainted a nail 4 times!! (And it still looks like crap!)

Being dependable at work doesn't pay off when you miss a New Kids on the Block concert happening 3 hours from your home. New Kids will be in Memphis tomorrow evening, but I won't be there since I can't take off work and leave my lame ass team to fend for themselves. This particular trait, in fact, never pays off. You end up doing all the work, receiving none of the recognition, and not nearly enough money to make it worthwhile!

Being nice doesn't pay off when friends you have recently made ask you to help them move. Like I haven't moved enough for everyone. (Since I am not empathetic, however, I flat out told her no!)

Being a clean freak doesn't pay off when it's summer and you have teenagers at home. The house is never ready for company (not like I have that much) and I think I cleaned the kitchen 10 times one day last weekend!

Being a hypochondriac doesn't pay off at all. Last week I had hypoglycemia and a stroke.

What does pay off, you ask? Procrastination. If you wait long enough to tackle something, it just might take care of itself. Case in point: picking up the newspaper [I don't subscribe to] and wheeling the trashcan back after trash day. Some neighbor of mine is secretly wishing I'd move just one more time! (Note - this is the first time this has happened, and contrary to the tone of my blog, I was mortified, so guarantee it won't happen again. I'm praying they just thought I was out of town!)

What's the only thing that could make my blog better?

New kids on the Block videos!!!!

Beat that, mom! (And no, the feeding fish do not!)

Typical Conversation on a Sunday Afternoon

Morgan: Mom, are you in metapause?

Me: Morgan, I'm not 50!

Morgan: Don't you want to be in metapause - I mean if I knew I didn't want anymore children I would just want to get it over with.

Me: Uh, no I don't want to be in menopause - hot flashes, moodiness...

Morgan: How long does it last?

Me: I don't know - a couple of years I guess. But menopause is different for everyone.

Morgan: Why do you keep saying men-o-pause?

Me: Because that's what it is - menopause.

Morgan: I thought it was met-a-pause.

Me: No, it's menopause.

Morgan: I can't wait to tell Jordan. She is always right and knows so much about this kind of stuff. Menopause...

Me: I'm sure she knew it was menopause.

Morgan: No she thinks its metapause. Mom, that was my favorite conversation.

Me: I am so gonna have to blog this.

Addison(Morgan's friend): What's blog?

Morgan: It's this thing old people do to "keep in touch with family and friends." You know, because they're too lame to Facebook.

Don't be jealous that your Sunday conversations aren't as riveting and self-affirming.