Jordan Turns 16!

And celebrates with 16 presents for 16 years! Actually she got 17 presents since she got her belly button pierced. I really had no problem with her getting her belly button pierced, but I wanted to do it at a reputable, clean location. So I went online and did something I normally scoff at - I read all the reviews about all the tattoo parlors in our area. I chose the location that had the most positive reviews and appeared to be clean. But it was located in a seedy part of town. I figured that was because all tattoo parlors were located in shady areas!

When we were ready to go, my mom and dad were a little worried about us two girls going there alone, so we decided to make it a family affair. Mom, Mindy, Dad, Jordan and I set off. I had made an appointment, but when I got there, a sign was on the door that they would be back in 45 minutes. No time was listed as to when they had left, so who knows how long they had been gone. Apart from the empty beer cans and cigarette packs in the drive, and the fact that it was clearly a residence, not a place of business, I was willing to wait - after all, it got the best reviews! But the family wasn't, and this time, I'm glad it didn't work out.

I ended up taking Jordan to a location in Midtown - a much more respectable location. The family didn't accompany us this time, which was a good thing because this was a way cool place. We would have looked like total nerds! The guys in the shop were fabulous, and there were awards all over the walls, so I felt pretty good about it. Jordan was a trooper, even though I know that it hurts like hell!

Lesson learned: When deciding on venues based on reviews, remember the audience giving the reviews. After all, what do a bunch of tatted up / pierced up people know about the kind of establishment I was looking for?!

Reason 5,372 Why You Should Never Procreate

I work with two young, fun single girls who are obsessed with finding men, settling down, and starting a family. It's become the office joke now that I can give them at least one reason every day why they should never procreate. And I must say, they are pretty convincing! Here's just a few most recent reasons.

Yesterday, on MY birthday, Jordan forgot and didn't even wish me a happy birthday. She made up for it, though, when she thoughtfully brought home THREE ferrets. [Yes, I marched her right back out of the house to the pet store to return them.]

About a month ago, we had a houseful of kids. As usual, they were playing "grab ass" (my dad's favorite term for kids horsing around) when one of the boys decided to light the gas fireplace. Without opening the flu. Turning the gas to full steam while he looked for a match. The explosion was so loud, I seriously couldn't fathom what had just happened. When the girls started screaming and the smoke detector started going off, I knew it was worse than that thing I couldn't imagine! I ran downstairs in my nightie - who had time for a robe?! - to discover I still had a house. One of the boys smartly turned off the gas, but I didn't know that and with my adrenaline rush I thought I was turning it off (later discovering I had actually turned it on again!). I seriously thought I was going to have to take the boy to the hospital, but when I looked at him, he had only singed his hair (body, head, and facial) and it just looked like he had a bad sunburn. Then I noticed the gas smell, and realized I turned it on and it had been running for like 10 minutes! Nothing like a little carbon monoxide poisoning to end the evening! [I told my work girls that this reason was good for a whole week at least!]

For my birthday, Morgan and Carson wanted to take me out to dinner to Red Robin. Isn't that sweet? They invited Jordan and Nicky. It was supposed to be a surprise, but they couldn't keep it secret. Which was ok...until the bill came and they realized taking everyone out to dinner was a little more expensive then they could afford. Happy $60.00 birthday dinner to me. (If I was going to give myself a $60.00 birthday present, it most definitely wouldn't have been dinner - it'd have been a new pair of shoes!) And because I didn't want a whole meal to myself, I didn't even get the burger I wanted because I had to share with everyone else!

Those are just a few of the most recent reasons I've given the girls at work why they should never procreate. What I don't tell them, though, are all the reasons you should procreate (which somehow outweigh those reasons that you shouldn't). Like...

Singing along to the radio in the car with the girls

Our dinner-table conversations

The notes they write me when they are apologizing for something

The sheer fun we have in our house of 3 girls

Sharing makeup/clothes/shoes with much hipper persons than I

Decorating the house for holidays

Celebrating when they make the honor roll

And the list goes on! I guess when it's all said and done - YOU SHOULD PROCREATE!!

Diving Board Safety 101

When the guy came to install the new diving board at my parent's house, he left behind a safety DVD that "must be watched before anyone uses the diving board." Ok, I rank directions like those right up there with reading the user's guide for your toaster. At any rate, we all laughed at how stupid it seemed, and no, we didn't watch it.

I guess the joke is on us!! (See pictures Morgan and her friends took one day at the pool below.)






Seriously - teenagers don't think! Truth be told, they look a lot like me and my friends did when we were teenagers at the pool! :)

The best part is that my dad actually witnessed them playing "grab ass" [dad's favorite term for monkeying around] at the pool, but didn't say anything to them because he didn't want them to think he was spying on them!

A Little Hard Work Pays Off!

So it's been a while since my last blog - over a month to be exact. It's not that I haven't had anything to blog about - it's just the opposite - I've been too darn busy! I've been traveling some for work, Morgan graduated, we had Mother's Day, Morgan's birthday, and a trip to Six Flags over Georgia just to name a few things that kept me from blogging last month. Anyways, things are finally settling down (as much as they ever can) now that it's the summer, so I finally had time to tackle a big job that's been hanging over my head: my deck.

My deck is very nice and large. When I first moved in, the owners had several varieties of flowers/plants/vines (not sure which as I am no gardner!) that were prettily growing up the posts and draping nicely over the rail. As I said, I'm no gardner, so they pretty much haven't been touched for two years. For those of you who are gardeners, I think you can see where this is headed. Long story short, my deck had become the Amazon! I didn't want to be out there because you could hardly move without the vines touching you. There were birds constantly in and out of the mess. And there were bugs! About the only thing I was doing anymore out back was using the grill. It was time to take back the deck!

Nicky helped me out (thank God - I could not have done the pruning myself, the stalks were 2-3 inches thick) and together we put in about 4 hours to get my deck looking beautiful. It was 92 degrees and humid as h***, but we accomplished:

- Cut away all the overgrown plants (including some not associated with the deck, and weeding the tubs the plants originate in) We found two birds nests and other unidentifiable objects hidden in the brush. The mess left behind was pretty gross.

- Pressure washed the deck and patio furniture (ok, the pressure washer I borrowed from my dad was crap, so pressure wash really means Nicky power sprayed the deck the old-fashioned way while I used the scrub brush on my hands and knees to get the stuck crap/stains removed)

- Removed the old broken table umbrella

- Restrung the party lights (although we did lose a few strands I will have to replace due to all the chopping at the brush!)

- Spruced up the place with s few potted Petunias and a cute little pillow

The deck looks awesome! I am very pleased with the end result and have already gone out there twice (even though it's 100 degrees and hot as Hades) since we finished it. It was backbreaking work, so today, I'm treating my sore muscles to a day at the pool!

Enjoy the final product of our labors. (I didn't think to take a before picture, as that would have made this after picture really impressive!)

Check out Jordan's New Teeth!

They only cost me $5000.00

Braces - who knew they'd be so expensive! And all she had was the normal treatment, nothing fancy, done in 18 months. The trouble - my insurance at HCA only covers orthodontia after a year of employment, and Jordan had the braces put on when she was still on my Kohler insurance. So, basically, I got stuck with the entire bill!

Morgan is in them now - I made her wait until the insurance was in effect. But even still, hers will end up costing me about $2500.00 since insurance only covers half. What a rip!

But well worth it - Jordan's smile is beautiful!

Happy Easter!

This year we did a little something different for Easter. Instead of putting together the traditional Easter basket and letting the girls wake up Easter morning and search for it, we did an Easter egg hunt. Now, I was a little skeptical the girls would like it since they are older now, but it just goes to show you are never too old for an Easter egg hunt [Mitchell!].

Each year, we dye eggs and have a contest to determine the best egg. Morgan's best friend, Addison joined in the fun [the child basically lives at my house - which is ok by me - she's sweet and I like that I know where my kids are!]. It was her first time to ever dye eggs, so we really gave her a hard time about it. This year, Morgan's egg was the winner. I was a little miffed since mine took way more skill to make, but I admit hers turned out better. We had a nice time, good laughs, and friendly competition. Morgan was mad that there was no prize, but bragging rights turned out to be ok!

Then it was time for the hunt. I kept it a surprise for the girls, so when I told them, I didn't know what response to expect. It was a response far more enthusiastic then I had envisioned (and you know teenagers don't get excited about anything family-related that often). "We're having an egg hunt? Can we run?" So clearly they thought it was a great idea - and it was a huge success. The eggs were stuffed with more than just candy - you know, things teenagers would want. For the prizes that couldn't fit in the eggs, I put numbers in their place. Some of the prizes included money, nail polish, a magazine, their favorite expensive shampoo, stickers, and gift cards to Starbucks, iTunes, and Panera Bread. Jordan found the most eggs, but Morgan found most of the gift cards. The rule was that everyone got one of those since they were the "Golden Eggs". The girls were good sports and it ended up being a lot of fun. I told them that the hunt was in place of their regular baskets, and they were all right with that, too!

Which goes to show - you are never too old for an Easter egg hunt [Mitchell]!

Conversations with the Girls on a Typical Tuesday/Thursday

M - Morgan
J - Jordan
S - Steph

Setting: In the car on the way to Target. We are listening to a Lady Gaga song that is somewhat Hispanic. Morgan is singing along, Spanish accent and all.

J: Please stop - you're ruining the song.
M: No I'm not. I was complimented today on my beautiful Spanish accent.
J: By who??
M: Mrs. Morrice [the Spanish teacher]
J: But I thought she had told you earlier this year that your accent was bad - that you had an Italian accent? [true, she did get in "trouble" for having the wrong accent]
M: Well, I got a new one [accent]
S: ?????????


Setting: At home on the couch. Jordan is grounded and bored now that it's the weekend. I had just invited Jordan to go to the movies on Saturday.

J: I guess - what else do I have to do?
S: It's your own fault that you can't hang out with your friends this weekend.
J: Yeah, but no matter how hot I look, it's still not cool to go to the movies with your mom!

Snowed In!

We finally got a really big snow last weekend. 5 inches - which is huge for Nashville! I love the snow, so I was thrilled. We were pretty much snowed in since the city is not equipped to deal with the snow. It was fun. It's been a while since the girls and I spent such a concentrated amount of time together. How did we pass the time:
1. We blew up the air mattress to turn the family room into sleepover quarters and watched two movies - Surrogates (really good) and Saturday Night Fever (I forgot how raunchy it was!) This led to a dance "competition" because everyone wanted to prove they could move like John Travolta. He is my number 1, and I must his younger-self was looking fine! Of course, the girls thought he was gross...they just don't get it!
2. We played a family game of poker - Addison (Morgan's best friend and my adopted daughter) won, which ticked everyone off since she was the only one who didn't know how to play! But she was thrilled with her $12.00 winnings!
3. We ate. A lot. Pizza, cookies, crap...
4. We went sledding - which was so much fun! I haven't been in years. What a thrill. Of course walking up the huge hill wasn't, so we really only went about 4 times. What a workout!
All in all, it was really fun. Even the girls would agree. Maybe I should make us "snowed in" more often! Enjoy the pics!

Born to Text

I really love this "moment" scrapbooking concept. I ran across a picture of Jordan when she was about 1 - and it looks like she's texting on her play phone. I have a million recent pictures of her texting (since that is how the girls spend the greater portion of their days) so I knew I had the perfect layout!