A few days ago, the girls had to come to my office at the end of the day. This is always stressful as my office is pretty quiet and the girls are, well, not! As I led them to my cube Jordan blurts out, "Oh my God! I would die if I had to stay cooped up like this all day!" I agree, but that's not the point. The point is that everyone heard her. As if we don't feel bad enough about our lame station in life! Then they began picking apart my desk space. Neither were happy with the pictures I had of them, but Jordan did comment (again, loud enough for everyone to hear), "Wow, I'm really busting out in that shirt!" And they think I 'm embarrassing!
I needed to finish a couple of things before leaving, so the girls occupied themselves by writing on my whiteboard. At first, they were writing silly stuff, then Jordan decided to write "I 'heart' Women" - like it was some funny joke on me. I started muffle yelling at her to erase it - that I work with lesbians, and didn't want HR to pay me a visit for sexual orientation slurs in the workplace. I said, "You want me to get fired?"
So they decided to play hangman. They were pretty good, but still a little loud. As we were living they only caused a minimal stir tromping through with all their crap.
On the way home Jordan informed me that she wouldn't get any work done if she was me because she would spend the whole time writing on the white board. I told her that I like it, too - and in fact Jeremy and I do play hangman every now and again when we need a break! To which Jordan responded, "So you're not worried about getting fired for playing hangman during work, but for having 'I "heart' Women' on your board?" From the mouths of babes!!
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Sunday, October 25, 2009
More Stimulating Conversations With the Girls [and their friends!]
On Friday nights, the girls usually go to the Father Ryan football games. I try to carpool with some of the kids that live close to us so I don't have to drive both legs - trust me - being the girls' chauffeur is exhausting! Thank goodness they have lots of friends whose parents are willing to share the burden.
This Friday, I had just picked up the last rider - making a total of 4 girls in the car. We were pulling out of her neighborhood when Morgan says, "Oh crap! I'm totally on my period and forgot tampons - anybody got some?" Surprisingly enough, no one had any, but I had a pantyliner in the console of my car (don't ask me why, no I don't usually stash pantyliners in my car console!) so offered her that. I said, "It won't replace the tampon but will give you back up if you start to overflow." To which Morgan responds, "Let me tell you, I used to have such a heavy flow, but this time, I have such a low flow that I am using the regular tampons instead of the supers! I am so loving it!" So what exactly does one say to this you may ask? All I could come up with was, "That's great. I hope it continues like that for you." Seriously! It was the only thing I could come up with. Jordan pipes up telling Morgan that no one wants to hear about her flow. Then launches into a long diatribe about how much she hates living in a household with 2 women while going to school with 200 more, and how her period can't seem to decide to whom it wants to sync with! No one really responded to that - so I guess no one really wanted to hear about her synching!
A little farther down the road, Jordan says,"I hate how whenever I wear lipgloss I end up swallowing so much of it." To which Morgan replies, "Jordan, no one wants to hear about your lipgloss flow." Touche. This exchange must have reminded Addison (Morgan's friend) about mouths, and she tells us all about the cut she has on her lip. Morgan (my brightest child) says, "Don't worry, I'm sure Griffin [Addison's boyfriend] will wound it!" "You mean heal it?" I ask - obviously the grammar freak in me running her mouth before I realized I didn't want to explore this topic of conversation with them at all! So we are all laughing and Morgan says, "Mom, you totally have to blog this car ride!"
I agreed that this was definitely blog worthy, but I have a terrible memory. So many times things will happen and I'll think, "I have to blog this" - but then forget and never do. So, I was determined to remember the events. And what better way to do it than with the voice memo app on my iPhone! I hadn't used this app yet - all you do is record a voice memo. So I start recording what I want to remember for the blog, while the girls are howling in the backseat about what a huge dork I am. But I must not be too nerdy, because Alex [Jordan's friend] said, "I want to be in the blog, too!"
The next hot topic was the fact that Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban were touring Overbrook that day (Morgan said she actually got to meet them and that Nicole was huge). I said how cool I thought that was and that I never see any famous people in a city where a lot of them live. Morgan was like, "We need to add that to the blog." And how was I to remember? That's right - the voice memo app...but this time Morgan wanted to record the details! I guess it's only dorky if you're over 30 and use that app? So she starts talking and says, "Morgan, Stephanie's daughter..." like I wouldn't know who Morgan was when I played the recording back! I may be bad, but I think I can remember my own kids!!
About this time we were getting close to Father Ryan. Who knows what prompted the next topic of conversation, but we were all enthusiastic about it - our favorite months of the year! We were all naming our favorite months, and the only one to name a month other than their birthday month was Jordan. She pointed this out, saying, "What are you, 5 year olds? Only little kids like their birthday month the best! And I guess December, too, for Christmas." Ok, maybe she's right, but is there anything wrong with that? We decided that the worst months were March (mostly cold, teasing of Spring and the end of school) and September (being excited to go back to school has worn off, and who can really remember anything at all from September?) - sorry for any folks with those as their birthday months - they stink!
And then we had arrived at the destination. As the girls were getting out of the car, I heard Addison say, "I love riding with your mom. The conversations are always so fun!" So maybe I'm not as dorky as the girls pretend I am!
This Friday, I had just picked up the last rider - making a total of 4 girls in the car. We were pulling out of her neighborhood when Morgan says, "Oh crap! I'm totally on my period and forgot tampons - anybody got some?" Surprisingly enough, no one had any, but I had a pantyliner in the console of my car (don't ask me why, no I don't usually stash pantyliners in my car console!) so offered her that. I said, "It won't replace the tampon but will give you back up if you start to overflow." To which Morgan responds, "Let me tell you, I used to have such a heavy flow, but this time, I have such a low flow that I am using the regular tampons instead of the supers! I am so loving it!" So what exactly does one say to this you may ask? All I could come up with was, "That's great. I hope it continues like that for you." Seriously! It was the only thing I could come up with. Jordan pipes up telling Morgan that no one wants to hear about her flow. Then launches into a long diatribe about how much she hates living in a household with 2 women while going to school with 200 more, and how her period can't seem to decide to whom it wants to sync with! No one really responded to that - so I guess no one really wanted to hear about her synching!
A little farther down the road, Jordan says,"I hate how whenever I wear lipgloss I end up swallowing so much of it." To which Morgan replies, "Jordan, no one wants to hear about your lipgloss flow." Touche. This exchange must have reminded Addison (Morgan's friend) about mouths, and she tells us all about the cut she has on her lip. Morgan (my brightest child) says, "Don't worry, I'm sure Griffin [Addison's boyfriend] will wound it!" "You mean heal it?" I ask - obviously the grammar freak in me running her mouth before I realized I didn't want to explore this topic of conversation with them at all! So we are all laughing and Morgan says, "Mom, you totally have to blog this car ride!"
I agreed that this was definitely blog worthy, but I have a terrible memory. So many times things will happen and I'll think, "I have to blog this" - but then forget and never do. So, I was determined to remember the events. And what better way to do it than with the voice memo app on my iPhone! I hadn't used this app yet - all you do is record a voice memo. So I start recording what I want to remember for the blog, while the girls are howling in the backseat about what a huge dork I am. But I must not be too nerdy, because Alex [Jordan's friend] said, "I want to be in the blog, too!"
The next hot topic was the fact that Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban were touring Overbrook that day (Morgan said she actually got to meet them and that Nicole was huge). I said how cool I thought that was and that I never see any famous people in a city where a lot of them live. Morgan was like, "We need to add that to the blog." And how was I to remember? That's right - the voice memo app...but this time Morgan wanted to record the details! I guess it's only dorky if you're over 30 and use that app? So she starts talking and says, "Morgan, Stephanie's daughter..." like I wouldn't know who Morgan was when I played the recording back! I may be bad, but I think I can remember my own kids!!
About this time we were getting close to Father Ryan. Who knows what prompted the next topic of conversation, but we were all enthusiastic about it - our favorite months of the year! We were all naming our favorite months, and the only one to name a month other than their birthday month was Jordan. She pointed this out, saying, "What are you, 5 year olds? Only little kids like their birthday month the best! And I guess December, too, for Christmas." Ok, maybe she's right, but is there anything wrong with that? We decided that the worst months were March (mostly cold, teasing of Spring and the end of school) and September (being excited to go back to school has worn off, and who can really remember anything at all from September?) - sorry for any folks with those as their birthday months - they stink!
And then we had arrived at the destination. As the girls were getting out of the car, I heard Addison say, "I love riding with your mom. The conversations are always so fun!" So maybe I'm not as dorky as the girls pretend I am!
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Top 10 Signs I'm Officially Turning Into My Mother
10. I, too haven't ironed in 15 years
9. I often tell the girls, "I can't have anything nice!"
8. I volunteer for things I don't want to do that take up way more time than I anticipated
7. I use my dictionary almost on a daily basis
6. I look forward to having the house to myself so I can watch old movies
5. I make myself do all my work before I can play
4. When my house is messy, it stresses me out
3. I can't survive without my lists
2. I look forward to putting away my groceries because I get to reorganize my pantry and refrigerator
1. I consider waking up at 7:30 to be sleeping in
And only one reason I will never be my mother: I can't be on time for anything!
9. I often tell the girls, "I can't have anything nice!"
8. I volunteer for things I don't want to do that take up way more time than I anticipated
7. I use my dictionary almost on a daily basis
6. I look forward to having the house to myself so I can watch old movies
5. I make myself do all my work before I can play
4. When my house is messy, it stresses me out
3. I can't survive without my lists
2. I look forward to putting away my groceries because I get to reorganize my pantry and refrigerator
1. I consider waking up at 7:30 to be sleeping in
And only one reason I will never be my mother: I can't be on time for anything!
Saturday, September 26, 2009
How to Pick Up Guys in a Depressed Economy
So I'm at the grocery store checking out. Background: I hate grocery shopping. I will live off butter noodles and cream of mushroom soup for weeks before breaking down and going to the store. I try to limit my visits to Kroger to about 1 a month. So when I go - it's a doozy. Back to the story...
So I'm at the grocery store checking out. Everyone knows I am on the "Dave" plan [Dave Ramsey Total Money Makeover]. My dad is nice enough to save the coupons from the paper for me. I am fanatical about my coupons. So, as I'm checking out, I have quite a few to redeem. And it's taking the guy a really long time to scan them all in. I turn apologetically to the [cute, single - with groceries I approve of] guy behind me and say, "I know it's a pain, but it saves me a lot of money." He replies, "No problem!" It takes the check out guy a couple more minutes, as he meticulously separates the manufacturer coupons from the Kroger coupons, then he's done. He says, "Here's more coupons, and you're really long receipt..." to which the guy behind me asks, "How much did you save?" I told him I had saved about 30 dollars. End of story, right?
Apparently not. So now I'm loading the groceries into my car, and here comes the guy - who stops and says, "The coupons really weren't bothering me." "Good" I say. And he goes, "But I bet that check-out guy was annoyed! He'll just have to get over it - I mean that was a lot of money to save and it must have been a lot of work for you to get that all together." Ok - clearly, he was impressed with my coupon-cutting skills. [Or maybe it was my zebra print bra you could faintly see through my t-shirt (that I didn't know until I got home and the girls pointed out).] Then he was kind of hanging around...waiting. It would have been as easy as saying, "Wanna come see my coupon collection?" and he'd have been hooked! Guess it's a turn-on that a woman is into saving money in this state of economy! Then again - maybe that's a turn-on to a guy in any economic period!!
*For the record, I did not invite the guy to check out my coupons! :o)
So I'm at the grocery store checking out. Everyone knows I am on the "Dave" plan [Dave Ramsey Total Money Makeover]. My dad is nice enough to save the coupons from the paper for me. I am fanatical about my coupons. So, as I'm checking out, I have quite a few to redeem. And it's taking the guy a really long time to scan them all in. I turn apologetically to the [cute, single - with groceries I approve of] guy behind me and say, "I know it's a pain, but it saves me a lot of money." He replies, "No problem!" It takes the check out guy a couple more minutes, as he meticulously separates the manufacturer coupons from the Kroger coupons, then he's done. He says, "Here's more coupons, and you're really long receipt..." to which the guy behind me asks, "How much did you save?" I told him I had saved about 30 dollars. End of story, right?
Apparently not. So now I'm loading the groceries into my car, and here comes the guy - who stops and says, "The coupons really weren't bothering me." "Good" I say. And he goes, "But I bet that check-out guy was annoyed! He'll just have to get over it - I mean that was a lot of money to save and it must have been a lot of work for you to get that all together." Ok - clearly, he was impressed with my coupon-cutting skills. [Or maybe it was my zebra print bra you could faintly see through my t-shirt (that I didn't know until I got home and the girls pointed out).] Then he was kind of hanging around...waiting. It would have been as easy as saying, "Wanna come see my coupon collection?" and he'd have been hooked! Guess it's a turn-on that a woman is into saving money in this state of economy! Then again - maybe that's a turn-on to a guy in any economic period!!
*For the record, I did not invite the guy to check out my coupons! :o)
Monday, September 21, 2009
Toes Woes
There's not much I like better in the way of pampering than a good spa pedicure. Last week while we were in St. Louis, my mom treated us girls to mani/pedis. Yeah! As we were walking to the car afterwards, I looked down and noticed that both my papa toes were incredibly smeared. What?! How the heck did that happen? I was certain I hadn't touched them on anything. I had planned on wearing open-toed shoes to the wedding, so I had to go back in and get the guy to fix them. Sandy and mom waited patiently in the car (after they got over their laughing fit at me). The guy finishes, and I walk back out to the car only to realize that I had done it again! Both papa toes - ruined!!
I'm cussing as I get in the car as I realize the problem - my shoes! They were sandals, but the top part was rubbing my toes (unbeknownst to me) as I walked. Sandy was like, "Just go back and ask him to fix them one last time." Yeah right! I was already the idiot, I wasn't going back in there so they could make fun of me in Vietnamese while I sat there oblivious! Mom was like, "Just lick your finger and see if you can smooth it out. It's not that bad." YES IT IS! Not only are the toes smeared, but there is nail polish all over my toes!
So, we drive to the local cosmetic store where I purchase nail polish remover, Ruby Slippers nail polish (a color I'm not even that crazy about), and top coat. When we returned to the hotel, I was able to repair the damage. But talk about a non-pampering experience - I was really stressed out!
Here's the damage:
1 Pedicure - 30.00 (Thanks, mom!)
1 Tip to Repair Pedicure - 5.00
1 Nail Polish Remover - 2.00
1 Top Coat - 4.00
1 Ruby Slippers Nail Polish - 7.50
Total: 48.50 - the most expensive pedicure I ever had!
On the bright side, Mindy pointed out that while I may not be in love with the color, at least dark red sparkle polish was practical. Think of all the times it can be worn: Valentine's Day, Fourth of July, and Christmas! Thanks, Mind!
**On a side note, the bulb replacement to my tv went off without a hitch. I borrowed the proper tools from dad, and didn't even have to use the latex glove!
I'm cussing as I get in the car as I realize the problem - my shoes! They were sandals, but the top part was rubbing my toes (unbeknownst to me) as I walked. Sandy was like, "Just go back and ask him to fix them one last time." Yeah right! I was already the idiot, I wasn't going back in there so they could make fun of me in Vietnamese while I sat there oblivious! Mom was like, "Just lick your finger and see if you can smooth it out. It's not that bad." YES IT IS! Not only are the toes smeared, but there is nail polish all over my toes!
So, we drive to the local cosmetic store where I purchase nail polish remover, Ruby Slippers nail polish (a color I'm not even that crazy about), and top coat. When we returned to the hotel, I was able to repair the damage. But talk about a non-pampering experience - I was really stressed out!
Here's the damage:
1 Pedicure - 30.00 (Thanks, mom!)
1 Tip to Repair Pedicure - 5.00
1 Nail Polish Remover - 2.00
1 Top Coat - 4.00
1 Ruby Slippers Nail Polish - 7.50
Total: 48.50 - the most expensive pedicure I ever had!
On the bright side, Mindy pointed out that while I may not be in love with the color, at least dark red sparkle polish was practical. Think of all the times it can be worn: Valentine's Day, Fourth of July, and Christmas! Thanks, Mind!
**On a side note, the bulb replacement to my tv went off without a hitch. I borrowed the proper tools from dad, and didn't even have to use the latex glove!
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Life without TV
So last night I was taking Merrill out to dinner for her birthday when Jordan starts blowing up my phone with calls and texts. I tried to ignore her, as we were in a really nice Italian restaurant (Giovanni's for you Nashville folks), and I hadn't been gone all that long - certainly not long enough for an emergency to already have erupted - but since I had only set my phone on vibrate, and was carrying a small clutch, it was kind of hard.
"What's the emergency?" I text her. Yes - at the table. (We had already told the server we had cocktails and appetizers at another location, so were only here for the main course. That didn't go over too well. The Giovanni had already stopped by and introduced himself. I told him his restaurant had a lot to live up to - my tira missou experience in Carmine's in NY (another blog another time), and even though he said he had "nothing to worry about" I'm not sure he cared much for that. So I was sort of nervous we would be asked to leave, but...)
The emergency? The tv bulb finally blew. I knew if was going out - when my parents gave me the TV it was already pretty dim, and the coloring was weird, so I knew it was just a matter of time. But it's sort of scary when it happens - it makes a loud pop and everything goes black. So it really freaked Jordan out. She knew what had happened, so I was not sure why she was calling me. Like I could run home and quickly replace the bulb or something. Got a spare? Yeah, right in my purse... DUH!
So today I was shopping for a new bulb. I did get a better deal than I thought I would, but it still cost me about $130.00 with shipping/tax. I believe my dad said the tv wasn't really worth replacing the bulb again, but it's so huge, and now I'm spoiled with it, and since I can't afford a new one, I figured it wasn't too bad. Anyways, the bulb will ship in 3-7 days. Good thing we'll be in St. Lous this week, because life without tv is eerie!
Here's life without TV in our house:
- Jordan never shuts up. She thinks her stories are awesome, but they are only slightly better than mine!
- Morgan considers anyone looking at her or talking to her a stalker - as in, "Mom, why do you keep stalking me?" I got to hear this more often than usual today since I was trying to fill the silence.
- Now I know why I like to nap with the tv on. Normal naptime for Steph - 30 to 45 minutes. Today's nap? 1 1/2 hours!!!! Wasted the whole darn afternoon!
- The chairs in the rec room (where Jordan and I finally reverted to watch tv) aren't all that comfortable. And the tv is really small. And there is no surround sound.
- I'm really sick of "screamo" music. Yes, it is a new genre. Yes, it is just like it sounds - screaming!
The thing I've realized the most today is that I never would have called us a tv family. We don't just sit around all day watching tv. But the tv is always on. It is a normal part of our "family noise." And it's really kind of creepy without it!
Next blog: Steph replacing the bulb. The company I ordered it from had a 5 minute YouTube how-to video on it. Included in supplies needed were latex gloves. Need I say more??
"What's the emergency?" I text her. Yes - at the table. (We had already told the server we had cocktails and appetizers at another location, so were only here for the main course. That didn't go over too well. The Giovanni had already stopped by and introduced himself. I told him his restaurant had a lot to live up to - my tira missou experience in Carmine's in NY (another blog another time), and even though he said he had "nothing to worry about" I'm not sure he cared much for that. So I was sort of nervous we would be asked to leave, but...)
The emergency? The tv bulb finally blew. I knew if was going out - when my parents gave me the TV it was already pretty dim, and the coloring was weird, so I knew it was just a matter of time. But it's sort of scary when it happens - it makes a loud pop and everything goes black. So it really freaked Jordan out. She knew what had happened, so I was not sure why she was calling me. Like I could run home and quickly replace the bulb or something. Got a spare? Yeah, right in my purse... DUH!
So today I was shopping for a new bulb. I did get a better deal than I thought I would, but it still cost me about $130.00 with shipping/tax. I believe my dad said the tv wasn't really worth replacing the bulb again, but it's so huge, and now I'm spoiled with it, and since I can't afford a new one, I figured it wasn't too bad. Anyways, the bulb will ship in 3-7 days. Good thing we'll be in St. Lous this week, because life without tv is eerie!
Here's life without TV in our house:
- Jordan never shuts up. She thinks her stories are awesome, but they are only slightly better than mine!
- Morgan considers anyone looking at her or talking to her a stalker - as in, "Mom, why do you keep stalking me?" I got to hear this more often than usual today since I was trying to fill the silence.
- Now I know why I like to nap with the tv on. Normal naptime for Steph - 30 to 45 minutes. Today's nap? 1 1/2 hours!!!! Wasted the whole darn afternoon!
- The chairs in the rec room (where Jordan and I finally reverted to watch tv) aren't all that comfortable. And the tv is really small. And there is no surround sound.
- I'm really sick of "screamo" music. Yes, it is a new genre. Yes, it is just like it sounds - screaming!
The thing I've realized the most today is that I never would have called us a tv family. We don't just sit around all day watching tv. But the tv is always on. It is a normal part of our "family noise." And it's really kind of creepy without it!
Next blog: Steph replacing the bulb. The company I ordered it from had a 5 minute YouTube how-to video on it. Included in supplies needed were latex gloves. Need I say more??
Monday, July 20, 2009
Typical Conversation on a Monday Evening
Jordan: Mom, are you seriously wearing that?
Steph: What? I am going to work out.
Jordan: That shirt is really bright, and I can see your super-white sports bra really clearly. In fact, yellow, grey, and white should never be worn alone.
Steph: They aren't alone - there's yellow, grey, and white.
Jordan: Well, that's just a sign - those colors by themselves...
Steph: What?
Jordan: A sign you should not be seen in public.
Steph: What? I am going to work out.
Jordan: That shirt is really bright, and I can see your super-white sports bra really clearly. In fact, yellow, grey, and white should never be worn alone.
Steph: They aren't alone - there's yellow, grey, and white.
Jordan: Well, that's just a sign - those colors by themselves...
Steph: What?
Jordan: A sign you should not be seen in public.
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